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I Am Exhausted

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Alex Nagy, 16 January 2014

I imagine there comes a point in all of our lives, especially when you are walking with the LORD, that we reach a point of physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual exhaustion. It’s a point I never thought I’d reach, honestly. I never thought I’d be at a point where I felt as if God wasn’t there for me. Wasn’t leading me. Wasn’t guiding me. Wasn’t talking to me. Yet we are told it is in those times He’s the closest to us, not just leading us, not just guiding us, but actually carrying us through these valleys. These times of trial and tribulation. What are we to do then? It definitely reminds me that it’s not I who is supposed to be doing anything aside from being obedient.

Galatians 2:20 (KJV)
20 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

What is there left, then?

James 1:2-6 (KJV)
2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; 3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. 4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. 5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.

This is part of God’s plan, I’m sure, to finish the work in me which was begun. He will complete it.

Romans 9:28 (KJV)
28 For he will finish the work, and cut it short in righteousness: because a short work will the Lord make upon the earth.

My only task in this is to be patient, which is not something I’m good at. I’m horrible at sitting around. I want to do something. I want to serve. I want to proclaim the gospel. It seems though, that right now, that’s not what He has in mind. I ask for your prayers, brothers and sisters. I need His guidance, His direction, His provision. I feel lost and alone, and my wife is in this with me. She’s in the same place I am. We are both struggling and need the reality of His presence in our lives.

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Video Logging and Me: What I Have Learned

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This post will signal the end of my adventures in video logging. I will produce, upload, and backdate blog all the entries I have ready, but for now I will no longer engage in video logging, and it has nothing to do with lack of interest.

I started video blogging because I thought it would be easy to do. Many do it and make it really seem effortless, and I believe it is – when you have the right hardware to work with. I’m using a 2-year old laptop that is most likely on the lower end of power in terms of processor and memory to do the post-production (which is probably unnecessary but I find a nice, unique touch) and a desktop that isn’t any better to do the video recording (when I’m at home, on the road the laptop performs double-duty). Here are some of the things I’ve learned from my adventures in video logging.

  1. It’s never as easy as it seems. The process has been plagued with problems from the start from bad audio quality with Cheese Webcam Booth to having to use two-different machines for different aspects of the production. The audio quality is still the bigger issue for me, though. Without money to spend to afford a better microphone – much less computer upgrades – this is one issue that won’t be changing any time soon. On the other hand, the hardware I have is fully capable of doing audio work all the live-long-day.
  2. There needs to be some standards kept that I didn’t even define when I started this. I figured I’d just sit in front of a web cam and talk until I ran out of interesting things to talk about. It works in theory but from some basic reading I’ve done, having some idea of what you’re going to talk about – and sticking to that – makes for a better produced video that is less full of pauses (pregnant or otherwise) and makes for an overall better quality video blog entry.
  3. My post-production quality is almost as bad as my in-production quality. Though I have great tools that I’m putting to decent use, I am probably not using them to their fullest capabilities because of the aforementioned hardware issues. It takes nearly 30 minutes to render the 300 frames that make up the title screen in the latest videos. It takes even longer to export it and the actual web cam footage as one single piece – if and when it completes. In the end, the title screen is nicer looking then the rest of the video, hands down. That being said, I would like to take a moment to give a shout out to the two tools that have really helped me in this process. OpenShot Video Editor is a more than capable tool, and coupling it with Blender for added capabilities is nothing short of genius.

All that being said, I pray I will take what I’ve learned here and put it into future changes when Alex’s Log returns (eventually). Until then, I can take some of what I learned and put it to use in producing an audio-only version of the Log and into resurrecting Audio Verse of the Day (which I am doing, but am taking my time in putting it all together). Working with audio isn’t as hardware intensive as video as is (at least when it’s just the spoken word) and I had very good results when I started the AVOD blog. I won’t promise an audio version of Alex’s Log, I would like to, but I need to do more research and see what a better schedule might be for this. I would also like to put out a call for collaboration to some of my close-friends at church (and some acquaintances I still hope I have from folks I used to go to church with). I have some questions about using some of the advanced features of Audacity for my personal audio log (if I do one) and hosting options. Right now I have some free hosting going on at 000webhost but it’s only good up to 1500MB. Not a lot of space, even for audio files (and if I do a full show, those files will get big quick).

A lot more work to do, a lot more research to do, and a lot more learning to do about all of this while I have some down time because of my cancer diagnosis and lack of drivers license. God continues to provide for my needs and I am thankful for that, but I’m finding that when I put myself in a position to talk to others (without it being in person or real-time) I feel a release about what I can say, how long I can talk, and not worry about someone judging me. I know it’s silly, but stage fright is something God is still working on in me (even with me sharing this message on the 4th of March).

I would like to thank everyone for their support. It really means a lot to know you all care. (:

Issues With Video Rendering

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I’m having some issues exporting the video for today, I’m going to continue to try, but I cannot make any guarantees on when the next video will be going up. I’m sorry for all the problems I’m having, this is harder than I thought it would be, but it’s very fulfilling and I’m learning a lot about what it takes to do this successfully. My hat goes off to those vloggers who have this down pat!

Alex’s Log – 08 March 2012

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Alex’s Log – 06 March 2012

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Alex’s Log – 05 March 2012

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Alex’s Log – 04 March 2012

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