For nearly the last two years (would be two years this August 2nd) I’ve been growing and living and walking with God, getting closer with every struggle and miracle and blessing and learning experience that I’ve gone through. Some were harder than others and just when I was on the verge of giving in or giving up, God has moved in a mighty and unexpected way. Things have come together as if perfectly orchestrated (which, in honesty and despite the best efforts of Satan, they were) and as if it’s exactly what God wanted. I’ve learned and had understandings (though sometimes months after things had seemingly come to a head) about things that, in past years, I would have been left scratching my head and still hurting over. I cannot and will not deny the existence of a benevolent God (truly the only one) nor in the indisputable truth of the Holy Bible as His perfect Word (again, despite the best efforts of men and the enemy) (1 Timothy 2:16-17, NKJV).
I’ve been put in areas of trust and ministry doing things I couldn’t have imagined that have an impact far after I’ve stopped even thinking about it (John 4:37). I’ve delved into spiritual matters that I would never have even conceived of prior to my salvation. I’ve read things and have had an understanding of it that I know is not of this world or my own doing. Around every corner, though, there has been one seeking to kill, steal and destroy (John 10:10). There has been one who is indeed a roaring lion (1 Peter 5:8) and I feel as if I’ve been completely devoured, not because God left me, but because I could not let go of the things of the world. I could not let go of TV and its programs. I could not let go completely of worldly music. I could not let go of the things of this world which I knew God to be disapproving of. I couldn’t not be contentious. I couldn’t stop even when everything about me (aside from the Enemy) said I need to.
Be warned, Brothers and Sisters. There is indeed a heaven and a hell. Satan exists and he does not care a thing for you. His only goal is to try and hurt God and he does so the only way he can: By trying to keep you and I from having that perfect relationship with Him (and make no mistake, we are called to such radical lives of Christ-like devotion that we can – through the power of Christ – be just like Him). Satan cares not one wit if you are cast into the eternal lake of fire. He cares not one wit that you will be eternally separated from the Father. It won’t be a life of partying. Make no mistake that Hell is a place of eternal torture. Make no mistake that you will be keeping your flawed, imperfect bodies to be tortured in. Make no mistake that you will be eternally separated from God. Make no mistake that such a fate is not what God wants from you or I. It pains Him in ways that we cannot begin to comprehend, but in that same vein He cannot and will not reward sin. Proverbs 16:25 says it best, I think:
There is a way that seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death.
Make no mistake, that false prophets and religions will all be equally appealing to the worldly because it tickles the ears or seems right to you. If it seems right, if it seems logical, if it seems too easy to be true: I guarantee you that it is wrong. I make no compunction in this, there is only one true religion. I have no compunction or problem declaring everything else to be false. I have no compunction against warning you to stop, pray, and believe. God doesn’t exist because we believe in Him. He would and does exist outside of our belief, make no mistake about that.
Why am I giving up? Because I’m tired of the spiritual warfare (Ephesians 6:12). I put aside my armor momentarily and I feel as if I am mortally wounded. I have done things in the past 5 days or so that I’m completely ashamed of and that I would forget or undo if I could. What’s done is done. My only hope left is that God hasn’t given up on me, and scripture says that He hasn’t (2 Peter 3:9) but I wouldn’t blame Him if He’s already signed me off as I’ve signed myself (and others) off.
I pulled away from my friends and Family because I do not want to risk them being pulled in with me. I distance myself so that whatever whirling vortex that is sucking me in and no one else stumbles because of me. Take what’s happened with me as an example of why one should not set aside your armor and why you should upgrade it quickly and with all do haste. Do not wait for trouble to find you before discovering your weak in one area. Pray, fast, give, be in the Word and know the Word better than you know yourself and most importantly, let it all be done in Christ’s strength, or you too may find yourself in dire straits. If I have any communication left with my Daddy, it is my prayer that you do not follow in my footsteps. That you do not fall to the enemy. That he does not devour you as I feel I myself have been consumed. That’s my prayer, and my hope, for you.