Struggling With Life
Struggling With God
I’m far from being like Jacob, who wrestled with God all night (Genesis 32:23-25) in what must have been a sight to behold, but I still struggle with God. Conviction over sin that I gave into a few mornings ago, trying to stay true to the fast while at the same time not getting into a legalistic state of mind, trying to hear from God during this fast. It’s not that I’ve been extremely busy or anything, I’ve spent a good deal of time in the Word. Quite a bit more than what I did last year and I’ve got a bit out of it, but I’m feeling overwhelmed and distant. Knowing He’s there doesn’t help when you can’t feel your Daddy or hear what He’s trying to say.
Not Deaf To Everything
I have heard from God on certain things, but not what I proposed to focus on during this fast. I’ve tried to pray about what we are corporately fasting for, and for my personal purpose. I’ve heard on some other things, or just felt His blessing in endeavors I’m engaged in (my relationship with Carla, a healing of several acquaintanceship, and some other things) but it seems just when I’m really starting to hear from Him regularly, He’s gotten quiet. I know He’s still speaking, but I’m having a hard time just being still (Psalm 46:10).
In The Still of the Night
Being still is probably the hardest thing for me to do, though today I’ve been pretty still physically, and I’ve tried not to get too stirred up but, it seems like I’m always doing something. How do you folks “be still”? Set aside time? I can’t do that without constant interruption, especially if I’m trying to spend time communing with God. Leave the area? I can’t do that without getting interrogated when I get home, though I at least get something out of it. So I take what I can when I can. Today it hasn’t been much, but I got a little something out of it.
No, this fast has been a real struggle spiritually. As I wrestle with this and other issues for the rest of the fast, just keep me in your prayers. Prayer works and God listens to all His children and, if we are praying in His will, our prayers are answered with abundance. Praise God for all He’s done for such an undeserving wretch like me.